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November 2006
ASK THE SMART GUY: Monthly column by Dennis Latham.
The Smart Guy levitates to a standing position after the Goddess told him to get his butt off the chair.
Question of the Month: Is there such a thing as real telekinesis?
Telekinesis is the ability to move
objects with the mind. I have that ability. I gave an example to several
veterans this morning at the VA Hospital. As I approached the front door, it
popped open, amazing some people who were coming out because they thought maybe
they had opened the door. As I approached the bathroom, that door flew open,
banging the head of some old guy coming out. I apologized for my uncontrolled
powers, and told him I was the Smart Guy. He just looked at me like I was nuts
and tried to poke me with his cane before he collapsed and they hauled him away
on a stretcher. I swear I didn’t do it to him.
Once
inside, the urinal flushed just as I finished. The sink turned itself on as my
hands reached for it, and moments later, paper towels started popping out of a
machine next to the sink mirror. The towels scared me because I had never been
able to do that before. Obviously, the flashing red light on the towel machine
was activated by my telekinetic brain function. I think they may have put it
there as a test.
I
told the doctor about these strange events during my appointment. He looked at
me weird and then said the doors, the urinal, and the paper towels are all
automatic now and I did not make them happen. Just like I can’t really change
traffic lights by willing them to change. I told him he was nuts and he should
probably be arrested. In less than three minutes, the VA police came in.
“I thought about them and they came,” I said.
The doctor told me he had pushed a button under his desk to summon them. The police
escorted me to the front of the building, and sure enough the doors opened
again. I told them I did it. They shook their heads and told me to leave and
don’t come back for awhile. They’re a bunch of Communists.
So to answer the question: Yes, telekinesis exists. Just don’t try it at the VA
Hospital.
Red Tape. At home protection for telekinetic activity: the Smart Guy has a bad habit of making toilet lids fly up so they stay up: Wham! Stuck to the tank… For seating conveniency, he tapes the seat to the bowl so it will stay down.
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Last One. As it turned out, this November 2006 was the last column Dennis handed it for publication. Far Sector SFFH closed its doors for good in early 2007. Dennis Latham (1947-2019) went off and did important things in the world. He continued singing with The Goddess (Dorothy, his beloved wife, also a singer) in night clubs. He launched his own publishing imprint (Young Stud Gazelle, or YSG). He wrote more novels and short stories, which he published through YSG. Very importantly also, he worked hard on his monthly S-2 Report, where he advised thousands of veterans, answering their queries and doing research (e.g., in the Department of Veterans's Affairs) before publishing the results in The S-2 Report for all to read (including yours truly). He died in early 2019 after fighting cancer. Thank you, Dennis Marino-Latham!
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